Feelings Connection Hope

"Rhythm, power, feeling..." I want to share some of the experiences I have journeyed with myself so far. Playing the role of Steve has been quite a roller coaster. It's not because Steve has AIDS and it's certainly not because I have an emotional solo in this musical. I recently saw a small video/documentary of two of the original broadway actors from RENT, Adam Pascal and Anthony Rapp. Some things that Anthony Rapp said that hit me emotionally were, "Jonathan, when he wrote this piece, was 35. He was living this life. And he didn't say specifically the ages of these characters. The only person in the whole show who's age was named, is Mimi's..." and, "You have to be yourself and all you can do is add that to the characters." I'll just have to say that practicing my solo at home has been frustrating for me thus far. Why? Not because I'm having trouble practicing the song but I keep forgetting the feeling that must be interpreted from it. I was having major difficulty on the aspect of bringing myself into this song. And it took a toll on me...

I find it very compelling that my feelings are actually being ignited. What Anthony Rapp said, connecting Jonathan Larson's life to the life that these characters from RENT are facing, makes myself even more connected as well- to the story and to my role. Also, when I think about why Jonathan made the song "Will I" the way it is, it ignites my inner sadness. However, it makes a connection to a silly question, "Why wouldn't he make a song about love or hope?" I actually believe now that, that is Jonathan's message he is trying to convey to the people. To the actors who interpret his work, to the men and women who experience it, and to the people who watch; Hope. 

We do not know much about these characters. Which should give us an even better connection, because they could be us. I am getting to know Steve better and better each day. Just wondering that this character was most likely someone that Jonathan had met. This character could have been a part of his life and possibly changed his life. There is so much more to RENT than I had anticipated. I get deeper into its roots and I don't regret knowing such reality and purity that came from one man. I will never truly understand who Steve really was to Jonathan but I get a sense that was someone genuinely special to Jonathan at the time. This feeling, makes me connected to the other characters and to myself even more as well. This feeling might not have been sadness all along but in disguise. I'm sure this feeling was hope.